Hello all! Sorry its so late in the weekend for the post, been a busy weekend! Last week was good...I was in Toronto...pretty cold up there, but we got a lot done work wise. Coming home was pretty crazy...an extra security area where they search everything! Took a little longer but it was ok! Next time I'm going to fly through Buffalo! Traveling was ok, no late nights so it was just like a normal work day, I got a good night sleep each day...so not bad! Heading back up the week of January 25th. I had my treatment on Friday...uneventful...splet through most of it! My blood pressure was a little high but I'm been taking it each day now and seemed to be fine! Hands are starting to hurt a little more, I guess getting two doses of chemo back in my system starting to hit the nerves again...but its doable...if this is killing the cancer, I can stand the pain my my hands. Caitlin heading back to school tomorrow morning. She was scheduled to go today but she wasn't ready...she's still doing laundry! Sean up at UNH now, he's been there since Friday. He's coming home tonight and then heading back for the semester next Friday...I guess classes start on the 26th for him, but he is going up to U Maine next weekend. It's been nice having them home but I think they're both ready to go back and I think I'm ready too!!!
Gotta go!
Have a good week everyone...next treatment Friday the 22nd
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Morning all! Update on medical side....Had my treatment on Friday, both drugs. Uneventful...same old process! I actually saw the doctor also so had an opportunity to ask further questions after having time to review the results of the CT Scan my self. Based on discussion, according to doc although the comments by radiologist compared to prior would say one of the tumors has grown past original size, she said if that was true I would not have been able to stay in the trial. I guess each CT has been reviewed by different radiologists and they each comment how they like. The trail/study requires further analysis by the trial team and if that was true I would not have been able to continue. I guess that is good news but it bothers me that the documents they give me are not complete and when comparing to past I guess don't mean too much. I now have some further questions that I will hopefully be able to gt the protocol nurse to answer for me next Friday so I can understand exactly what is going on! But the good thing is....if this stops working then they will recommend another study currently recruiting which combines a PARP drug with chemo and is showing good results! We'll I gotta go...heading to Toronto tomorrow so I have to pack and get myself together! I'll be home on Thursday..just in time for Chemo again on Friday! Have a good week all!
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Sunday, January 3rd
Morning all....last day before it's back to the normal world. I've been on vacation since the 18th of Dec...so tomorrow will probably be tough to get up and get to the office, but on the other hand it will be good to get back to a normal schedule! Still snowing here a little...according to the news we have about 7 or 8 inches of the white stuff out there! I've already had enough of this stuff and it's only the beginning of January. We'll everyone else still sleeping. We are suppose to be at Mom's for dinner and birthday cakes for CJ and Zack (CJ will be 5 tomorrow and Zack was 2 on News Years Eve). I'll need to Bernie and Sean up soon so they can shovel and cleanup. I still need to get both CJ and Zack a present so plan last night was to get out of the house by 3pm or so and go shopping before we go to Mom's.
I wanted to share with you all a poem. A man Bernie works with gave it him for me. It's in a beautiful frame and the words are so true.
What Cancer Cannot Do
Cancer is so Limited...
it cannot cripple love
it cannot shatter hope
it cannot corrode faith
it cannot destroy peace
it cannot kill friendship
it cannot suppress memories
it cannot silence courage
it cannot invade the soul
it cannot steal eternal life
it cannot conquer the spirit.
So what I want everyone to do is remember all these things that cancer can not do and do not focus on what it does. I'm not going to...I'm going to keep fighting so I need everyone else to also!
Also, here are the words to the song below Go the Distance by Michael Bolton...beautiful song and the words are so fitting for my journey!
I have often dreamed, of a far off place. Where a hero's welcome, would be waiting for me. Where the crowds will cheer, when they see my face. And a voice keeps saying, this is where I'm meant to be.I'll be there someday, I can go the distance.I will find my way, if I can be strong.I know ev'ry mile, will be worth my while.When I go the distance, I'll be right where I belong.Down an unknown road, to embrace my fate.Though that road may wander, it will lead me to you.And a thousand years, would be worth the wait. It might take a lifetime, but somehow I'll see it through. And I won't look back, I can go the distance. And I'll stay on track, no, I won't accept defeat. It's an uphill slope, but I won't lose hope. Till I go the distance, and my journey is complete. But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part. For a hero's strength is measured by his heart. Like a shooting star, I will go the distance. I will search the world, I will face its' harms. I don't care how far, I can go the distance. Till I find my hero's welcome, waiting in your arms. I will search the world, I will face its harms. Till I find my hero's welcome, waiting in your arms.
Here's my January Schedule:
Back to work Monday the 4th
Chemo on Friday afternoon the 8th both drugs Avastn & Ixempra
Off to Toronto on Monday the 11th, home on Thursday the 14th
Chemo on Friday afternoon the 15th..just Ixempra
back to the office on Monday the 18th (Caitlin heading back to school also)
Chemo on Friday afternoon the 22nd both drugs Avastn & Ixempra
Week of January 25th is my off treatment week (Sean heading back to school...classes begin on the 26th!)
Then I'll start by 6th - 4 week treatment cycle the first week of February and rescanning again the first week in March!
And in between all that, our plan is to put the house on the market by March 1st! So a lot going on over the next 8 weeks or so...I'll update again when I can!
I wanted to share with you all a poem. A man Bernie works with gave it him for me. It's in a beautiful frame and the words are so true.
What Cancer Cannot Do
Cancer is so Limited...
it cannot cripple love
it cannot shatter hope
it cannot corrode faith
it cannot destroy peace
it cannot kill friendship
it cannot suppress memories
it cannot silence courage
it cannot invade the soul
it cannot steal eternal life
it cannot conquer the spirit.
So what I want everyone to do is remember all these things that cancer can not do and do not focus on what it does. I'm not going to...I'm going to keep fighting so I need everyone else to also!
Also, here are the words to the song below Go the Distance by Michael Bolton...beautiful song and the words are so fitting for my journey!
I have often dreamed, of a far off place. Where a hero's welcome, would be waiting for me. Where the crowds will cheer, when they see my face. And a voice keeps saying, this is where I'm meant to be.I'll be there someday, I can go the distance.I will find my way, if I can be strong.I know ev'ry mile, will be worth my while.When I go the distance, I'll be right where I belong.Down an unknown road, to embrace my fate.Though that road may wander, it will lead me to you.And a thousand years, would be worth the wait. It might take a lifetime, but somehow I'll see it through. And I won't look back, I can go the distance. And I'll stay on track, no, I won't accept defeat. It's an uphill slope, but I won't lose hope. Till I go the distance, and my journey is complete. But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part. For a hero's strength is measured by his heart. Like a shooting star, I will go the distance. I will search the world, I will face its' harms. I don't care how far, I can go the distance. Till I find my hero's welcome, waiting in your arms. I will search the world, I will face its harms. Till I find my hero's welcome, waiting in your arms.
Here's my January Schedule:
Back to work Monday the 4th
Chemo on Friday afternoon the 8th both drugs Avastn & Ixempra
Off to Toronto on Monday the 11th, home on Thursday the 14th
Chemo on Friday afternoon the 15th..just Ixempra
back to the office on Monday the 18th (Caitlin heading back to school also)
Chemo on Friday afternoon the 22nd both drugs Avastn & Ixempra
Week of January 25th is my off treatment week (Sean heading back to school...classes begin on the 26th!)
Then I'll start by 6th - 4 week treatment cycle the first week of February and rescanning again the first week in March!
And in between all that, our plan is to put the house on the market by March 1st! So a lot going on over the next 8 weeks or so...I'll update again when I can!
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Michael Bolton - Go the Distance
Here's my newest link to a a very nice song and one I will be listening to frequently! Bernie and I saw Michael Bolton live years ago and he was wonderful. I was out searching around youtube (instead of cleaning the house!!!!) and found this song!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m6v_gOmVJ4I&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m6v_gOmVJ4I&feature=related
Friday, January 1, 2010
Happy 2010!
Wow... it's been over a month since I posted last! I guess I have a lot to catch everyone up on!
First...the holidays! We had a great holiday! Saw a lot of family and friends which was nice. It was a very emotional Christmas in our home and mom's. First for all my "great" nieces and nephews I gave them the Hallmark Night Before Christmas book in which I was able to record myself reading the story to them. We'll the kids are little too young to understand but their parents did and every one cried. But that was ok, I want them all to always have something special! Then in our house Christmas morning (which was actually Christmas afternoon by the time they all got out of bed!!!) was very nice. I made the kids books and gave them very special things to always keep with them. The books I got were great and I recommend them for all parents to give to their kids. They are called Dear Daughter (Son) a message of love by Marianne Richmond. The book can be personalized with your own pictures and you can add your own writing to it, it's great just how it is but my adding your own stuff it makes it wonderful. There was not a dry eye in our house although we laughed and cried at the same time. The difference in my children...Sean read each and every page slowly and Caitlin flipped through looking at all the pictures first! Both crying and laughing along the way. I also gave the kids a small chest called a Hope and Cope Chest. A place for them to keep all their special items to always remember the good times and special items. Sean always keeps things....Caitlin on the other hand...if she keeps things she never remembers where they are are. In each box I added some things...like pictures of their bedrooms when they were little kids, guardian angel coins I purchased and I added my tickets to the Luxury boxes for the Red Sox games we went to. Sean's was his 18th Birthday Game that he and I went to and for Caitlin was the Mothers Day game we all went to. This Christmas was about giving everyone something special and sentimental from me so they always have them and I accomplished my goal! One special gift I gave my mom was a book of this blog. My mom doesn't use a computer but a lot of her family and friends do and they always mention it to her. So I found this website...http://www.blurb.com. You download their software to create a book. You can write you own book using the software our you can download direct from your blog. So I did that and created the book titled "My Journey The First Two Years". It shows every post from the beginning up to the last one below the day before Thanksgiving 2009. She loves it and yes guess what...I gave it to her early...I couldn't wait until Christmas. Which I'm glad I did. It gave her the opportunity to read it and share it throughout the holidays. On the weekend, Patti & Stephen took Bernie and I to Foxwoods and we had a great time. We didn't win any money but it was fun! New years Eve very quite in our house. Caitlin went into Boston with her friends and was spending the night in South Boston at my nephews house. They rented a bus and where were going the bar in downtown...and you know 21 yr old girls...new dress, have to have hair done, etc. It's only 10:30am so I haven't heard or seen her yet...I'm sure she is still sleeping! Sean actually worked last night. He worked security at a party in Boston...he was working from 9pm to 3am. He's home sleeping so I probably won't see him until late afternoon. So with both kids out we just got some takeout and watched a movie. But needless to say I didn't last until midnight...I was out like a light before 11!
So now to the medical side. The month of December was a complete cycle. Actually Cycle#4. The first treatment of Dec 4th was suppose to be both Avastin and Ixempra but because the pan in my hands was getting pretty bad, they had to reduce the amount of Ixempra I get and protocol calls for skipping a dose before it it reduced. So on the 4th I only got Avastin but they gave me the H1N1 shot which ended up knocking me out for the weekend. On the 11th I did get my Ixempra as scheduled but at a lower dose only 13cc versus 16cc. Then on the 18th I got both meds and was off the week of Christmas. Oh ya, also been put on high blood pressure meds because my blood pressure was pretty high. It's much better now but still watching...I think the other day it was 146/88...still a little high but at least the bottom number now under 90. I had my every 8 weeks CT Scan on Tuesday on the 29th and saw the doctor Weds the 30th. Results are mixed. The actual summary result reads...Mixed response to treatment with decreasing mediastinal lymphadenopathy but increased size of multiple bilateral pulmonary nodules. The largest tumor in my chest shows some continued decrease...on Sept 2nd it was 6.4 x 5.3 cm, then on Nov. 2nd it was 4.8 x 3.9 cm and now Dec 29th it measures 4.0 x 3.1 cm. So that's good, but the smaller ones have all increased. Actually one of them that had shown a decrease in Nov has now grown bigger then the original measurement in Sept. Also have now seen a 5mm area on my spine that bear watching along with what appears to be a exophytic fibroid on my uterus that will also be watched. So now you know why they say..."mixed response". The good thing is some decrease seen so I can stay on this trial treatment for another 8 weeks. So I look at that as good news. Remember at the beginning they told me this treatment was the first of three that we could try....well after further research on my part....the other two possibilities are either one of the other, so I look at that I only have one other option if this stops working so anything to continue on this one so not to have to to make a decision and resort to my last option just yet is good news! And I know the side effects of this one...if I did 16 weeks already, I can do another 8!
So I'll end for now, Happy New Year to all, lets hope 2010 is a good year! My 2010 resolution is to live each day as if it where the last because you never know and I don't wan to have any regrets because I didn't do something or say something!
First...the holidays! We had a great holiday! Saw a lot of family and friends which was nice. It was a very emotional Christmas in our home and mom's. First for all my "great" nieces and nephews I gave them the Hallmark Night Before Christmas book in which I was able to record myself reading the story to them. We'll the kids are little too young to understand but their parents did and every one cried. But that was ok, I want them all to always have something special! Then in our house Christmas morning (which was actually Christmas afternoon by the time they all got out of bed!!!) was very nice. I made the kids books and gave them very special things to always keep with them. The books I got were great and I recommend them for all parents to give to their kids. They are called Dear Daughter (Son) a message of love by Marianne Richmond. The book can be personalized with your own pictures and you can add your own writing to it, it's great just how it is but my adding your own stuff it makes it wonderful. There was not a dry eye in our house although we laughed and cried at the same time. The difference in my children...Sean read each and every page slowly and Caitlin flipped through looking at all the pictures first! Both crying and laughing along the way. I also gave the kids a small chest called a Hope and Cope Chest. A place for them to keep all their special items to always remember the good times and special items. Sean always keeps things....Caitlin on the other hand...if she keeps things she never remembers where they are are. In each box I added some things...like pictures of their bedrooms when they were little kids, guardian angel coins I purchased and I added my tickets to the Luxury boxes for the Red Sox games we went to. Sean's was his 18th Birthday Game that he and I went to and for Caitlin was the Mothers Day game we all went to. This Christmas was about giving everyone something special and sentimental from me so they always have them and I accomplished my goal! One special gift I gave my mom was a book of this blog. My mom doesn't use a computer but a lot of her family and friends do and they always mention it to her. So I found this website...http://www.blurb.com. You download their software to create a book. You can write you own book using the software our you can download direct from your blog. So I did that and created the book titled "My Journey The First Two Years". It shows every post from the beginning up to the last one below the day before Thanksgiving 2009. She loves it and yes guess what...I gave it to her early...I couldn't wait until Christmas. Which I'm glad I did. It gave her the opportunity to read it and share it throughout the holidays. On the weekend, Patti & Stephen took Bernie and I to Foxwoods and we had a great time. We didn't win any money but it was fun! New years Eve very quite in our house. Caitlin went into Boston with her friends and was spending the night in South Boston at my nephews house. They rented a bus and where were going the bar in downtown...and you know 21 yr old girls...new dress, have to have hair done, etc. It's only 10:30am so I haven't heard or seen her yet...I'm sure she is still sleeping! Sean actually worked last night. He worked security at a party in Boston...he was working from 9pm to 3am. He's home sleeping so I probably won't see him until late afternoon. So with both kids out we just got some takeout and watched a movie. But needless to say I didn't last until midnight...I was out like a light before 11!
So now to the medical side. The month of December was a complete cycle. Actually Cycle#4. The first treatment of Dec 4th was suppose to be both Avastin and Ixempra but because the pan in my hands was getting pretty bad, they had to reduce the amount of Ixempra I get and protocol calls for skipping a dose before it it reduced. So on the 4th I only got Avastin but they gave me the H1N1 shot which ended up knocking me out for the weekend. On the 11th I did get my Ixempra as scheduled but at a lower dose only 13cc versus 16cc. Then on the 18th I got both meds and was off the week of Christmas. Oh ya, also been put on high blood pressure meds because my blood pressure was pretty high. It's much better now but still watching...I think the other day it was 146/88...still a little high but at least the bottom number now under 90. I had my every 8 weeks CT Scan on Tuesday on the 29th and saw the doctor Weds the 30th. Results are mixed. The actual summary result reads...Mixed response to treatment with decreasing mediastinal lymphadenopathy but increased size of multiple bilateral pulmonary nodules. The largest tumor in my chest shows some continued decrease...on Sept 2nd it was 6.4 x 5.3 cm, then on Nov. 2nd it was 4.8 x 3.9 cm and now Dec 29th it measures 4.0 x 3.1 cm. So that's good, but the smaller ones have all increased. Actually one of them that had shown a decrease in Nov has now grown bigger then the original measurement in Sept. Also have now seen a 5mm area on my spine that bear watching along with what appears to be a exophytic fibroid on my uterus that will also be watched. So now you know why they say..."mixed response". The good thing is some decrease seen so I can stay on this trial treatment for another 8 weeks. So I look at that as good news. Remember at the beginning they told me this treatment was the first of three that we could try....well after further research on my part....the other two possibilities are either one of the other, so I look at that I only have one other option if this stops working so anything to continue on this one so not to have to to make a decision and resort to my last option just yet is good news! And I know the side effects of this one...if I did 16 weeks already, I can do another 8!
So I'll end for now, Happy New Year to all, lets hope 2010 is a good year! My 2010 resolution is to live each day as if it where the last because you never know and I don't wan to have any regrets because I didn't do something or say something!
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Happy Thanksgiving 2009- A Day Early!
Morning all..its the day before Thanksgiving. It's about 9:00am and house is quite...that's because they are all sleeping! Yes..both kids are home, Caitlin got home around 4:00 yesterday afternoon and Sean arrived around 8:30pm last night!
First update on medical side...I was only able to get my chemo treatment (Ixempra) on Friday. They would not give me the Avastin because it thins your blood and promotes bleeding and they were concerned about the stitches in my mouth from the teeth removal. I was happy but at least I got the Chemo. Been a tough few days, mouth is still very sore and trying to stay on top of the body aches of the Chemo. I'm not in work at all this week all though checking email here and there each morning to try and stay on top of things. Definitely shown I function much better when I push my self to keep moving....staying home is not for me!
Yesterday I headed down to Mom's early afternoon...she had all 3 boys...CJ, Zack & Micheal! Spent to the afternoon with them...it was fun...we drew Turkeys using their hands as a template. CJ enjoyed, Zach and Michael still a little too young but it was fun! Caitlin came straight to my mom's and the boys were so happy to see her! I had tried all afternoon to get Zack to say "Auntie" and he kept calling me Nana...Caitlin walked in the door and he ran to her saying Auntie!! I guess he associates auntie with younger people and Nana with older!!!!
Here are the plans for the next few days....today Caitlin and I grocery shopping then to mom in the afternoon to start the cooking and help her out. Dinner at mom's tomorrow around 2:00pm and then mom, Caitlin and I heading up to Bernie's sisters in Gilford hopefully around 6:00pm or so. We are going to go shopping at the outlets for the Midnight madness sale! Caitlin is working Friday night at the Wang Center and Mom has to work Saturday morning so we'll head home on Friday afternoon. Both Bernie and Sean are working from Midnight Thanksgiving night until noon on Friday. They are working security at Walmart for all those crazy shoppers! Sound like they are all going to be working throughout the weekend at this security stuff! Hopefully the weekend will be quite, of as quite as it can be with everyone home!
To end, Happy Thanksgiving to all. Never thought too much in prior years about this day but this year I really am....I am thankful for my life and for all the caring people that are a part of it! AS we enter the holiday season, I'm not going to take any day for granted and enjoy each and every day! I suggest everyone do the same! Life is short and enjoy it!
Happy Thanksgiving
First update on medical side...I was only able to get my chemo treatment (Ixempra) on Friday. They would not give me the Avastin because it thins your blood and promotes bleeding and they were concerned about the stitches in my mouth from the teeth removal. I was happy but at least I got the Chemo. Been a tough few days, mouth is still very sore and trying to stay on top of the body aches of the Chemo. I'm not in work at all this week all though checking email here and there each morning to try and stay on top of things. Definitely shown I function much better when I push my self to keep moving....staying home is not for me!
Yesterday I headed down to Mom's early afternoon...she had all 3 boys...CJ, Zack & Micheal! Spent to the afternoon with them...it was fun...we drew Turkeys using their hands as a template. CJ enjoyed, Zach and Michael still a little too young but it was fun! Caitlin came straight to my mom's and the boys were so happy to see her! I had tried all afternoon to get Zack to say "Auntie" and he kept calling me Nana...Caitlin walked in the door and he ran to her saying Auntie!! I guess he associates auntie with younger people and Nana with older!!!!
Here are the plans for the next few days....today Caitlin and I grocery shopping then to mom in the afternoon to start the cooking and help her out. Dinner at mom's tomorrow around 2:00pm and then mom, Caitlin and I heading up to Bernie's sisters in Gilford hopefully around 6:00pm or so. We are going to go shopping at the outlets for the Midnight madness sale! Caitlin is working Friday night at the Wang Center and Mom has to work Saturday morning so we'll head home on Friday afternoon. Both Bernie and Sean are working from Midnight Thanksgiving night until noon on Friday. They are working security at Walmart for all those crazy shoppers! Sound like they are all going to be working throughout the weekend at this security stuff! Hopefully the weekend will be quite, of as quite as it can be with everyone home!
To end, Happy Thanksgiving to all. Never thought too much in prior years about this day but this year I really am....I am thankful for my life and for all the caring people that are a part of it! AS we enter the holiday season, I'm not going to take any day for granted and enjoy each and every day! I suggest everyone do the same! Life is short and enjoy it!
Happy Thanksgiving
Friday, November 20, 2009
Friday, November 20th AM
Morning all...it almost 4:30am and I'm up and moving, have been for almost an hour now. Probably because I was in bed last night at 6:30 and finally got a good night sleep! It's been a tough week. At the beginning I was blaming it on not getting my sleep last weekend, but I think it was all related to my tooth. I've had teeth issues for a while now and always seemed to work through them, but last few days have been horrible. I tried calling Onc to see if they would give me some antibiotics yesterday and they said I had to get to a dentist and could not have Chemo until I was evaluated by a dentist. Well, I hate dentists, that's why I haven't gone! So they pushed me....I called the dentist around 3:45pm yesterday, explained everything and they saw me at 5:10 last night. I had two abscessed teeth. One he told me about last year. It a back tooth that had broken over the years and all that was left was the root. Comes to find out the tooth next to it also abscessed...so I said take them out and he did! I was home by 6:15 and felt wonderful again! I'm a little sore this morning but it's not the pain it was, so hoping to get treatment today. I need to call them later this morning and update them. I should have gone this along time ago. Learn form my mistakes....go to the dentist before the pain starts!
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